THANKS Libby for this sweet-tart Valentine Post; for more V-day fun, scroll down for THE BACHELOR… Breaking News: Twilight’s ROBERT PATTINSON, a la John Mayer, gives his own weird TMI interview…
Libby Cudmore’s recent publications include Thrillers, Killers ‘n’ Chillers, Nefarious Muse and Big Pulp (with Matthew Quinn Martin) with future stories in upcoming issues of The MacGuffin and the Yalobusha Review.
No Valentines for Generation Twilight
By Libby Cudmore
I have just seen what might be the saddest valentine on earth.
I was at the drugstore with my boyfriend, Ian, and I was looking in the candy aisle because I love candy. Turns out they stopped making those big heart-shaped boxes of chocolates with the teddy bears on them, which is a drag because I always wanted one of those. But what they did have, of course, was Twilight themed boxes of Sweet Tarts. And on them was the following inscription
“You’re My Valentine . . . But Edward Has My Heart.” (Or Jacob, depending on which team you bat for)
Someone is going to get that this Valentine’s Day. Someone is going to receive, from their girlfriend, a box of candy proclaiming their love for an imaginary glittery vampire.
Can you imagine being that guy?
I have loved many, many, MANY imaginary men in my life—Han Solo, Detective Elliot Stabler, the Phantom of the Opera, Agent #1 on Fringe, a whole menagerie of Jeff Goldblum characters—but this was always between me and my TV and a group of girlfriends who thought I was a little weird. I have never once asked a lover to dress in tight pants with a red stripe down the side or wear black glasses and stammer a lot or let me call them “Mr. Protocol” while we do it. (more…)
