Breaking: Thanks CAITLIN for linking us to a contest to Write the First Page of Snooki’s Novel…
Novelist, screenwriter, and essayist Erica Ferencik is the author of the critically acclaimed novel Cracks in the Foundation. Her work has also appeared in the Boston Globe, on Salon.com, More.com, and National Public Radio. Her new humor column will be appearing monthly in the Metrowest Daily News.
Because I’m such a trendsetter, I like to see who’s “trending” online when I open my e-mail. For a few weeks in a row, somebody named “Snooki” kept sliding to the third, second, sometimes even first place on my Yahoo homepage.
After a few days of Snooki-watching, I got curious. This Snooki person was trending higher than the Pakistan flood and the fifth anniversary of hurricane Katrina. She was blowing away Jennifer Aniston, for crying out loud, who was languishing at ninth. Just who is this brilliant, fascinating person, I thought, to be so everywhere?
According to the wiki(pedia, not leak) she is the bronzed, bouffant, 4’9″ star of the hit reality show Jersey Shore.
Yes, you say with a heavy sigh. We knew that.
But did you know she has over 429,000 followers sucking up her every tweet?
Here’s her Twitter bio:
“It’s Snooki! I snook the night and snooked for love on Jersey Shore! I live my life to the fullest and don’t take anything for granted! Just sayin :)”
Nearly half a million followers. I have 23. I feel, I don’t know. Annoyed. Less than. All right, let’s just go there: Invisible. What was I doing wrong?
It was clear: I needed a nickname. Something you can turn into a verb or adjective in a flash. I’m thinking: Spukie. As in: I spuked for love at Shopper’s World!
I flew to her website where I searched for more clues to all this e-love.
Here’s her website bio:
“ALL ABOUT SNOOKI
A Native of Poughkeepsie, NY, Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi is a reality television hit who comes from a close-knit Italian family. Fun, outgoing, spontaneous, loving and loud….”
OK, stop right there. I can do this. I love pasta! I, too, am fun, outgoing and spontaneous and can grow quite loud, especially after a couple glasses of house chardonnay.
“…whose hobbies include cheerleading, shopping, tanning, working out, and of course always looking good….”
All that is so me. The looking good part. Also tanning…I used to tan, before it was bad for you. But I’ll do the bottle thing, or spray. Whatever it takes to trend like Snooki, I’m onboard!
“…Nicole is starring in Jersey Shore 2 scheduled for release in the summer of 2010. She helped make Jersey Shore one of the highest rated shows in MTV history, which drew in 4.8 million viewers for the show’s finale.”
Holy bikini wax! I need to get out and there and shop, and work out and stuff. As I surfed around some more, I couldn’t believe the cunning ways Snooki got in the news, trending her over the top:
On Friday, Aug. 6, the Daily News blasted this headline and story: “‘Newstand Junkie: ‘Jersey Shore star Snooki is ready and swilling’ – soon after being seen in a bar doing body shots, “Jersey Shore star Nicole (Snooki) Polizzi was arrested after cops saw her stumbling drunkenly along the boardwalk in Seaside Heights…Wearing frog slippers, she mounted then fell off a bike, got up, went to the beach, and started drinking again. When the cops came to get her, she hollered, ‘I’m f-ing Snooki!'”
I soooo did this. 1988. Central Square, Cambridge. Margaritas figured in heavily. Piece of cake to re-enact those halcyon days. I’m in!
Snooki commented after her arrest that she would really try not drinking during the day. Luckily, according to New York Daily News, Snooki’s new man Jeff doesn’t mind that she’s “drunk most of the time.”
When her ratings dipped, the Snookster tried incisive, hard hitting political commentary. She told Meghan McCain, the Arizona senator’s daughter, that she voted for her father in the 2008 presidential election “because he was really cute and [she] liked when he did his speeches.” And here’s a recent tweet to Obama, “love to tan in the rose garden…I’ll teach you how to fist pump!”
No wonder my blog isn’t getting the hits is so richly deserves – I don’t shop enough, for one. And in all honesty, my fist pumping is on the weak side. I’m not getting hauled into the slammer like I should. But all that’s going to change.
So this Saturday, meet me at the Natick Collection! We’ll drink and tan and look good and spuke for love. I’ll see you at noon at the Met Bar for Jello shots, cuz I am trending huge, getting ready to knock my girl Snookie to the back of the line.
(This piece originally appeared in Metrowest Daily News)
(photos of Snooki: spike.com blog, myviews&reviews.com, ctpatriot.com)