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Posts Tagged ‘Justin Beiber’

For SLaMBe sure to catch the PREVIEW to CELEBRITIES IN DISGRACE, plus coverage in THE BOSTON HERALD, an Inside Track story: ‘Ice-ing on the Cake’.  And check out Libby’s Record of the Month post on Scott Pilgram

Libby Cudmore‘s recent works include essays in The MacGuffin and the Yalobusha Review, as well as stories in upcoming issues of Connotation Press and Crime Factory.  She just finished graduate school and is almost finished with The Shield and has no idea what to do with her life in the absence of Walton Goggins.

Pretty Boys Need Not Apply By Libby Cudmore

Anyone who has spent more than five minutes with me knows that I am obsessed with The Shield.  Anyone who spends more than six minutes with me also knows that I’m obsessed with Sheild star Walton Goggins, who plays cowboy-cop Shane Vendrell.

Walton Goggins is not what you’d call a pretty boy.  He’s more Steve Bucemi than Robert Pattinson, with a receding hairline, woodchuck teeth and small, femmy eyes.  And Shane Vendrell is not what you’d call a good cop.  Bad cop is still a little too nice a descriptor.  Vendrell routinely takes bribes, sells drugs confiscated in gang busts, bangs girls who may or may not be eighteen and are defiantly not his wife and, on occasion, murders people.

But those eyes!  That grin!  Those legs and that ass inside those perfectly fitted boot-cut blue jeans!  Hick he may be, Goggins can wear a pair of pants like nobody’s business.

I’ve always been fonder of odd-looking men than those found on the pages of Teen Beat.  Jonathan Taylor-Thomas and Devon Sawa made me want to gag, but I preferred the ultra-geeky Jeff Goldblum in Independence Day and Jurassic Park.  Benicio del Toro took my breath away as Jackie Boy in Sin City, and my friend Beth took away my right to declare guys hot.  Brian O’Halloran was so normal looking in Clerks that I liked to imagine I had a chance to score if our paths ever crossed.  I think Mickey Rourke is sexier now, with the scars of hard living worn so openly on his ravaged face, then he was in 9 ½ Weeks.  And I maintain my position that Tom Waits, best known for a singing voice that sounds like it’s coming from six feet under and a face that bears witness to that crawl from the grave, shows off his surprisingly tight and toned ass when he’s frisked by the cops in Down By Law. (more…)

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