HOLLYWOOD REPLICANTS by Judith Podell

Welcome Bret Michaels fans; scroll down for a tribute to Bret…

Judith Podell lives in Washington DC while in a New York fame of mind. Her latest project is a Feline Self-Help Manual, I Ching for Cats. Judith has written for the Village Voice, Mademoiselle, and the Washington Post.

HOLLYWOOD REPLICANTS

by Judith Podell

As a veteran of not one but two nose jobs I feel a little hypocritical for dissing Susan Sarandon for instance, but everything that made her face distinctive is gone. The great movie stars have memorable faces, and memorable faces usually are ever so slightly irregular. With Susan Sarandon it was the set of her heavy-lidded eyes. She used to be simultaneously beautiful and funny looking, our great goggle-eyed sex goddess. Now she looks ordinary.

All my favorite women movie stars are turning into replicants. If the covers of this months Harper’s Bazaar and Vogue are any indication, Gwyneth Paltrow and Sarah Jessica Parker are the latest victims. Sarah Jessica’s nose no longer turns down when she smiles, at least not on the pages of Vogue. She looks embalmed, or like one of the Pod People from Invasion of the Body Snatchers. Didn’t anyone think to warn her about Jennifer Gray?

I never thought I’d feel sorry for Gwyneth Paltrow, former golden girl, but there she is on the cover of Bazaar, dressed in a Morticia Adams meets haute couture evening gown, a tentative smile on her face. “I’m only a bird in a gilded cage”, her eyes seem to say. Her face screams botox. She’s grateful to get the chance to play Iron Man’s Girl Friend. What a come down from Shakespeare in Love. No, her marriage is not in trouble. The reason you never see photos of her and her rock star husband in public is because they want to avoid all that Bangelina stuff. It seems only yesterday she was golden girl, one of those actresses who made it look natural, capable of transforming herself into Emma or Sylvia Plath. Now she’s a high-end Stepford Wife.

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“IT WOMEN”: In Praise of Aging Gracefully by Elizabeth Searle

Sharon Stone recently commented that Meryl Streep looks like “an unmade bed.'”

That’s some unmade bed. Not only did Streep look ravishing and natural at this month’s Golden Globes, she is acting circles around her over-Botoxed frozen-faced peers in her golden years. ‘Gold’ as in lotsa shiny statues: Streep garnered double-whammy Globe nominations and is a favorite for the ultimate Golden Boy, Oscar.  And how about a true Golden Girl, 88 year old Betty White, who stole the show at the SAG awards?

Helen Mirran hits the beach

Note to Stone and Heidi Montag: film acting can be enhanced by movable facial muscles.

I asked blog fave Caitlin McCarthy— who alerted me to Stone’s comment– which other actresses besides la Streep seem to be aging gracefully. Caitlin’s list:

“Helen Mirren, Julie Christie, Jacqueline Bisset, Sophia Loren, Susan Sarandon, Candice Bergen, and Patricia Clarkson all look natural and beautiful — not like plastic people.”

True, these ladies have had a ‘little help from their friends’ but they have eschewed the drastic knife-work of less gutsy stars.  Cheers to these ‘It Women’.

Who is your fave. from the big or small screen?  Oprah?  Diane Sawyers?  Blog fave Julianna Margulies?  Send in your own nominees as we celebrate celebrity women of a certain age, who aren’t afraid to ‘own it’…
PS: Great additional List suggestions on Comments: Anjelica Huston, Diane Ladd, Judi Dench, Jessica Lange…PPS: plus Cloris Leachman, Glenn Close & Angela Lansbury…& Lauren Bacall!

(photos: Meryl Streep:kidk.com; Helen M: audi-sport.net; Oprah: Googleimages; Julie C: cinematical.com; Betty W: mjtimes.sk.cn)

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Brad & Angelina & Tim & Susan…(& Grief Tweets too) by Elizabeth Searle

Could it be Brad’s goatee?  Speculation abounds on what might be coming between supercouple Brangelina. Could Brad’s greying goatee connect to those fraying-marriage rumors?  Angelina says publically that fidelity isn’t a must with her and that when she and Brad clash, she rips Brad’s shirts.  Maybe if Brad would lose the goatee and cut back on the sauce, Angelina would stop talking about ‘seeing other people.’

Meanwhile, the Daily Beast sees something symbolic in the confirmed break-up of another Liberal-leaning supercouple: Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins.  Perhaps more shocking than the rumors of 60-something Susan and a new 30-something lover are the revelations that Tim Robbins has been making campaign donations to right-wing Republicans like Michele Bachmann.  Irreconcilable differences, anyone?  (PS TO READERS: THE RUMORS ON TIM HAVE PROVEN UNTRUE; HE’S BEEN FAITHFUL TO THE DEM.S, IF NOT TO SUSAN… THANKS TO AL & TO CHEAP CHANEL FOR SETTING US STRAIGHT ON THAT…)

Casey Johnson & Tila Tequila in happier days

On a darker note, our far-sighted Blog fave. CAITLIN had predicted trouble ahead for heiress Casey Johnson (RIP) in a comment on this blog weeks ago.  Following a disturbing new ‘Grief Tweet’ trend (begun by Ashton Krutcher upon the death of Britany Murphy), Reality TV star Tila Tequila ‘tweeted’ a tribute to her deceased love.

Oh, for the days of Bogart and Bacall.  Is the era of SuperCouples gone for good?  Who will survive and thrive?  And who will be the next to veer into Break-up Lane?  And can ‘grief’ really be boiled down to 140 characters?

(photos: Brad goatee: mirror.com; B. & A.: topnews.in; Tim & Susan: paxhumana.info; Casey & Tila: blog.Zap2it.com)

PS: THANKS to A. Davis for letting us know that Tim R’s website debunks the right-wing donation rumor– ‘Say it isn’t so, Tim;’ sorry we doubted you!

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